The Tory leadership contest: your handy idiots guide | Marina Hyde

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As the nation loses itself in the Brexit maze, the Conservative party is seeking a new face to lead us down the wrong path

There’s a photo from Pompeii that’s been doing the internet rounds a while, showing the plaster cast of a naked man. He appears to have died masturbating, even as he must have known the Vesuvian ash-cloud was approaching. Did he? Science says it’s a bit more complicated than that – but science isn’t important right now, because in every psychological aspect, that guy is the Conservative party. No matter what holy terror was raining down upon our land, no matter what the peril, the Conservative party would always decide to crack out a leadership contest.

Related: At least 10 cabinet ministers considering prime ministerial bids

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