Family politics…my observation!

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Chukwuneta Oby

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I have come to realise that when it comes to ‘family’, most people set out  as ‘one’ and actually meant to remain so but in the course of life’s struggles, associations, experiences and even ‘character make-up’ of individuals…the connection gets lost and everyone ends up moving in different directions.

So much so that ‘family’ suddenly feels like strangers.

I have seen people who relate better with ‘friends’ than they do with blood relatives.

I say this a lot… gone are those days when family is ‘everything’ to one.

When a senior friend invited me to what he called a “small get together’’ in the New Year,  I thought nothing of the event until he explained what it was all about.

He said that his in-laws (the family that his daughter is married into) actually requested that setting, to enable them to thank his household properly for the kind of daughter they raised.

I did say to myself…that is (his in-laws) one hell of a lucky family.

According to him, his in-laws said that his daughter made herself a unifying force from the very first day she joined the family. She went out of her way to bring everyone together and so, the mother in-law swore to ‘appreciate’ her (the lady) in her life time.

Only someone who hasn’t got a grasp of the onslaught of marriages (of this age) on ‘family’ that will fail to appreciate the import of the older woman’s gesture.

In her comment to one of my posts on Facebook, a lady said that the ‘politics’ in her own family is such that the sisters in-law don’t breath a word to her whenever there is a child birth amongst them.

I know that it hurts to be treated as a stranger when all you have done is CARE. But it has become what it is. For some reason, some ‘family’ actually think that sharing their ‘good news’ with other members will turn it into bad news.

It‘s also not above their warped reasoning to even believe that one will go broadcasting their ‘good news’ to witches and wizards!

On related issues, I have a few principles.

If you tell me…I heard. And will respond accordingly.

If you didn’t tell me…I didn’t hear. And I will stay in my lane…even if everyone else is discussing it.

At some point in life, one just gets tired of romancing obvious pettiness.

Sometimes, with ‘family’ these days, one learns how to ‘look the other way’.

If you ‘care’ too much, you come off as someone who doesn’t mind his/her business…I learned this the hard way!

When you learn that certain tendencies are simply WHO someone is, you will relate better.

Someone opined that “Nowadays, most people will hate you for pointing out the ill behaviour of their children”…I could relate.

I had a similar experience with a relative, when I pointed out what I perceive to be a rude disposition in the daughter…a twelve year-old, to whom the only ‘authority figure’ is either the mum or the dad.

Children by their very nature are ‘innocent beings’. And they relate as such. But when a child begins to exhibit a petty disposition …it shows one whose mind has been tainted by ‘ugly talks’.

Myopic parenting… I call such!

When the innocence of a child is tainted by a parent’s pettiness…he/she grows up an awkward adult.

We grew up regarding one family (in the neighbourhood) as TROUBLE, because all that their Mama needed to ‘wear trousers’ for anybody was for the children to complain about him/her. When people began to isolate her family, she probably felt she was being feared but today…very few people need to be told that they (now adults) are not well adjusted!

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